Containing the Flame
by Sachiko V
Summary: [oneshot] “Ran had observed enough to comprehend Ken’s doubleedged fire within him” RanKen. Please RR!


**Title**: Containing the Flame  
**Author**: Sachiko – happysaberatyahoodotcom  
**Type**: Oneshot  
**Series**: Weiss Kreuz  
**Pairings**: Ran/Ken  
**Spoilers**: Uhm… Dramatic Precious.

"Ran had observed enough to comprehend Ken's double-edged fire within him".

**Author's Notes**: This is my very first Weiss fanfic, despite how much of a RanKen fic lurker I am. Forgive me for the bad quality, and please leave me your comments. Warnings of OOC. POVs switch off everywhere.

**Disclaimers**: I don't own Weiss Kreuz or the characters. Koyasu Takehito does. If I did, I'd put them in a closet already if I did… The series deserves all the love it can get.

-----

Ken stared painstakingly at his own bugnuks and watched as the blood dripped onto the cement ground. In a far distance, he could hear his teammates calling out to him, telling him their mission was complete, but at the moment the calls were deaf to him. All he could hear was the rhythm of the red liquid. It was almost like he recently enjoyed the sight, enjoyed the sounds, enjoying the feasting his weapon with human bodies.

It wasn't right. Somewhere a voice told him that, but it didn't correspond with how his mind registered.

He remembered how every night he would clean the blades and shove them away as soon as missions were over…washing his clothes, his hands, any stains, any imprinted memories of the victims he killed the best he can. When it was night, Ken would quietly break into silent sobs and begged, if there was a higher being anywhere, for forgiveness and prayed he was still doing the right thing. Practically every morning, his pillowcase and face would be stained with dry tears. When did those tears abandoned him? Or moreover, when did he abandon them?

His hands were calm ever since Reiko already, but that doesn't stop this…this…new addiction of beating hearts. Ken wished he could tell himself he didn't enjoy the killing, he really did… but all he could feel was a slow smile creeping on his face, feeling victorious on the amount of kills he did.

"Ken, come on." That was Ran voice, the same detached voice, with his hands on Ken's shoulders. And then the crimson-hair man walked ahead.

Why? Why was it always Ran who interrupts when he was under this spell? It annoyed him, annoying how insightful their leader had to be, how scrutinizing he was. Sometimes he just wanted to stab the man with the bugnuk for interfering…no, he did not just think that, did not just think he wanted to do that to his teammate. But he did. Even he himself was disgusted by the thought.

After cursing inside, he let out his frustration into an anonymous dead body, sheathing back in his blades, and followed along. No matter what, it was better for a corpse to receive the blow instead of Ran, right? He'd hope so. Ken decided to let the thought sink away for now.

---

Ran continued his watch on the brunette carefully even during daytime. Right now, Ken was spraying water on flowers, humming some mellow songs.

He noticed the changes. Ken still carried that undefeated smile, which usually carried a sense of joy and life. Only now, it also had anticipation and eager. His eyes had a new burning glint triggered by some phenomenon. Ran saw this in their recent missions. He had asked Ken once about this, and he knew the younger man was still fighting against himself. Ran was always watching him from a corner of his violet eyes. And he _still_ was watching the young man. Sometimes when Ken rummaged through his soccer stuff, that would be the only time, just for a small moment, when that glint burned off and was replaced by dark pools in those teal orbs, shadowed by the heavy scars of his past…

Only recently, Ran discovered a new habit of Ken's… Ken would, once in a while, take out his bugnuk as if he was ready to use them. By that time, he couldn't tell what was the man's expression already. Kind of obscure, kind of hypnotized. In the beginning, he thought maybe this habit would disappear, but it didn't.

"Aya-kun, are you okay?" Omi asked while carrying a pot in his hands, "You seem spaced out all of a sudden. Do you want to take a break?"

"No, I'm fine."

Ken put down the spray bottle and turned to Omi, "Well, if Aya isn't, I think I'm going to chill a bit. Take over for couple minutes, k Omi? I'll be back." Before the youngest member could reply, he took off into the back of the room.

Ran silently followed. Omi sighed. And as Yohji decided to slack off, he caught the playboy by the shirt. "Oh no you don't Yohji-kun!"

"'the hell, chibi, you let those two idiots go and not your best friend Yotan?"

"Call me chibi again and I'll shove all the bills for you to calculate! You know Aya-kun would always have a second reason to abandon duty…"

Yohji sighed. "There is never anything good coming out of those two dumbasses…we know that already from the beginning."

---

Ken walked toward his drawer, and then began to look away. _What am I doing acting like some guy on crack…?_ He didn't like it, but it was so tempting… so tempting to ear those blades shoot eagerly out of the gloves, fervent to the next victim that might fall into his hands, to remember how rewarding it was to count the bodies in front of him. He was anticipated into hearing their screams again. But his hand moved faster than his head. It reached out to the drawers…

Footsteps entered the doorway, and he quickly shoved his hand away. He looked up. Ran was staring at him with those mesmerizing amethyst orbs. He tried to stretch a smile, "Hey, no harm done."

"Ken, we have to talk."

And he knew what the subject was. "Aya… butt off. We've talked about this already, and—."

"—and you haven't answered me yet," Ran interrupted. "I have asked you before, and I was not straight-forward enough." The brunette made an attempt to walk out of the room, only to be shoved back in again by a strong arm. "Tell me Ken, what's with your sudden growth of anticipation in killing?"

There was nothing more he wanted to do but to punch the lights out of Ran this moment… Ken only let out a sardonic snicker. "To put it simple, you do it when you're tired of all the crap that happens around, when there's no more tears to whale on."

He turned around. Ran tensed up, suddenly finding himself wanting to avoid the eye contact, but of course he did not show that.

Ken shook his head. "Save it for later. We have a shop to run and flowers to attend…and there is no mission for tonight. There will be time to kill then. And…no pun intended."

"I'm glad you say so." And as Ken tried to pass him, Ran halted him again.

"What now?"

The brunette suddenly realized he has been clutching on to his weapon subconsciously. Didn't Ran stop him before he had done so? Why didn't he know he had grabbed his butnuk from the drawer? Didn't he close the drawer before their leader came in? Since when… "Sorry…" Ken turned around and replaced the gloves. "Aya, if you really want to know, I don't want to be like this too…"

The redhead's gaze softened as Ken walked back to the front. _…I know you don't_. He wanted as much as Ken wanted to have the brunette avoid this diabolic phase. Although they have only been working as teammates for a short duration, as he was the last member to join Weiss, Ran had observed enough to comprehend Ken's double-edged fire within him. It was the same heat he radiated when he played soccer with kids... same fire he carries during their missions…their kills… and the same passion that started to thaw their leader bits by bits… Ran wanted to preserve that flame that seemed to be burning out of control. He wants to let Ken know he cared.

---

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Ken answered knowing whom it was already. Although Ran wasn't exactly a visitor since he was no stranger. He did not want to treat him as so… if anything, he has never been as close to anyone as Weiss, but never have been so distant either at the same time.

On that evening he had tried to fully restrain himself from reaching for his drawer. It was embarrassing to let Ran not only knowing, but also actually witnessing his strange routine already… a secret "addiction" like that as a self-knowledge is one thing, sharing it was another. He did not like Ran meddling into him, but at the same time, he wanted Ran's support… his strength to help him endure.

Ran watched the brunette who staring outside the window, the pale moon giving him a nocturne glow, a sight that never failed to entice him and make him admire and wonder simultaneously.

Moonlights have always been a mystery to him. It always seemed to delude people into their own fantasies. He wondered what Ken was thinking… in all honesty, as much as Ken asked Ran of his lack of eloquence, Ran has wondered often too what exactly was in the soccer player's mind. They both had their own masks, both trying to break each other's and retain their own. Now it's just a matter of who reached whom first…or together reaching one another.

At the moment he did not know whether to disturb this almost serene silence or not, but that would defeat the whole purpose of the night.

But Ken was the first to speak up, diverting his eyes to the floor. "How do you do it, Aya? You've been an assassin later than me… but, you still handle it so well."

"I knew my target" Ran said without a second thought, "and who I was fighting for."

"You know what is the most awkward thing?" He paused. "When I first joined Weiss, I had no clue what I was getting myself into… Kritiker warned me of the little details, how I would become assassins, playing the dark lord's minions underground, whatever."

Ran listened attentively.

"What scared me was not that I might get killed, but how to kill… It was foreign, demanding, terrifying… Kritiker thought bugnuks were the best weapon choice for me, because it did not require any particular skills or techniques. I mean, it's just striking at enemies, right? Haha, like boxing, you're just smashing into people's body." Ken humored dryly. "Even then… I had problems controlling its capacity. I didn't like to know what it can do, what /I/ can do. They told me… the only technique I needed was to strike as if I was killing off what, or who, I hate the most."

"And what did you have in mind?" Ran wondered where is Ken going with this, but he was somewhat glad in a strange way that he gets to hear Ken's thoughts.

Ken strained a smile. "I didn't find anything… and that's why it was so difficult. I lost my reason on the way why I accepted the position in the first place."

Of course, Ran thought. Ken would be the last person to hate life…when he had so much of it, and he hated to see the brunette lose it. What was Kritiker thinking anyways to assign Ken as an assassin when he was just…an ordinary boy…who had never shed blood in his hands? Ran then realized how similar they have joined Weiss.

Both of them somehow got involved into some kind of worldly shit and now they have to be eclipsed by Kritiker… but at least he was positioned in Crashers prior, where killing was not needed. He had slight idea how the world worked before being 'promoted' to being underground assassins. But Ken… what cruel fate decided to drag his innocence into Hell?

Ran walked closer to the silhouetted figure. Ken continued. "Even after I knew…about Kase. You can't convert love into hate just by flipping the coin. It doesn't work that way." Ken stole a short glance at him and shied away again. "But recently, I found a way to use that technique they said to use. Someone to hate…"

"Who is it?" Ran's eyes narrowed.

"That person is a sinner who is a weak coward and dirtied by blood. He is always driven by farfetched dreams, someone who always knows how to make them even when they're impossible ones to achieve. And fuckin falls into the same trap over and over again…"

The answer to his question was there. Ken's recent anticipation…was self-infliction.

The brunette raised one of his hands and stared at it. "When I bash into a body, I would want to kill as if killing off the past and every thing that clings me to life. As much as I hate the job, I end up trying to use it as a weapon to disconnect with my problems, ya know what I mean?"

"…I understand. Trying to hide by dwelling within the meaninglessness in the world…but yielding it to try to find meaning within it. The paradox of life."

Ken nodded. "The anticipation covers up my guilt to kill and lets me believe it is not a sin…" Suddenly his tone shivered. "I'm scared, Aya. I hate to hang in between two identities, between what is right and wrong…"

"Ken…"

"I hate to go through this if that means killing those I love where the kill seems to have no value. Not knowing why am I killing them, except for the fact that I am Persia's dog that does what he wants! And worse of all, I don't know what's happening to me! I would rather become a psycho killer if it means I won't feel this way!"

"Ken, stop—"

"Go on, yell the crap out of me. Tell me how I'm fucked up and a useless bimbo! Anything but pity! You know what? I feel better when you give your verbal abuses. It convinces me even more how messed up I've become!"

"KEN!" The brunette glanced up again, green eyes meeting purple ones. Ran's hand was stilling his shaking form. Ran couldn't tell what emotion was Ken showing… it was like a mixture of fear, anger, pleading… but any of it is better than Siberian. "Ken…you've said enough."

Ken diverted his eye contact. "I'm sorry, Aya… I lost it again." He had never said any of this to anyone… not Yohji or Omi, who are better candidates when it comes to discussions. While they are easy to talk to, he knew somewhere he would not have been satisfied if Ran did not accept him. Suddenly he realized how much Ran's approval meant to him…

He closed his eyes and hung his head, subconsciously leaning forward until his head came in contact with Ran's shoulder.

The redhead concealed his shiver and accepted the sudden touch. He just allowed their hearts beat together as they melt in one. "You don't have to apologize." One arm found the urge to hug the younger man closer to him just to ensure Ken of security.

Ken would have protested… He silently breathed on the shoulder. Great, wasn't he trying to get rid of his emotional self? Hasn't he been doing that by killing? Now…Ran dragged it back up for him. But no matter. He liked the warmth of Ran's body. He liked how Ran did not patronize him, not yet anyways. In return, his left hand hung onto the thin cloth of the redhead's shirt while his right wrapped around the larger frame.

"I'm not going to let you kill part of yourself everytime, you hear? This is not about the harm to Weiss. It is about Weiss inflicting on you. You, Ken. I want you to understand that." He felt the nod from the brunette. "Ken, the same person that you try to kill off…is also the same person to show another man some of the things he could have thrown away in life. Emotions. Things to smile at. He made Weiss' company worthwhile, a reason to stay even though his mission has been completed. He dragged someone his former self out… and saved him from dismissing all the wonders in life. If that isn't suffice reason to let that person live… then I daresay that you are doing a crime by killing him off."

The younger man continued to nuzzle against him. At least his form calmed down. Ken found himself silenced out, succumbed to Ran's words even though another part of him fought hard not to. If Ran was suddenly thrown a surge of emotions toward him, that must be how it felt at the moment. At last he had spoken more lightheartedly, "Aya, you just had to kill off my victim didn't you?"

"In contrast, I think I just saved him."

"And if I start losing touch during mission, the blame will be on you." The brunette gave him a playful punch with his left hand.

"Fair enough. Even if you lose your touch, at least you don't lose yourself. Not with me around you won't."

Ken couldn't help but chuckled as Ran actually tried to humor with him. What's with the man suddenly anyways? He liked it though… he liked to feel a sudden bridge of connection between them two. And speaking of connection, Ken just noticed how right it felt to be against the redhead's body… how they fit as one. At the moment he just did not care of the awkward state they are in. He looked up at the purple orbs.

Ran brushed the soft chocolate hair, how long ago did he want to embrace what was precious to him in his arms. How Ken could mingle strength and fragility at the same time was beyond him… but that was Ken, and that draws him near the younger man.

"Aya—"

"Ran. Call me by that." As a token of trust.

"..R-Ran. And this is your umpth time cutting me off."

"So I will again." Just like that, he gently landed his lips on time of Ken's, slowly claiming it before rummaging into the sweet cavity of his mouth some more. He could feel the brunette's surprise and an attempt to jerk back, but it seemed like the younger man gave in. Ken's arm naturally wrapped around Ran's neck. For a moment there he mused with the fact that he was more experienced in the kiss, as his tongue dominated without too much of a hassle. Oh how delicious the younger man tasted…he was rewarded when he heard a slight whimper.

As the kiss ended, they were still in each other's arms panting, and Ken's face was flushed with a new sensation. "You really are a bastard, you know that?" He's still sort of frightened by this sudden load of affection, but he had long ago admitted that he had invisibly felt attached the their leader. From the moment they met, he felt it. Coming in terms with it was a lot bitchier than expected though, no less having it mutual.

"If you have no objection, I will stay here tonight."

- Fin -

A/N again: Sorry… I kind of messed up here and there. Forgive me for any OOCs too… Criticisms are welcome! Just be gentle. R+R Please! (November 27, 2005)


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